When fried eggs attack

If you're wondering about the title of this story, or how you can be attacked by your breakfast, let me warn you that eggs are not as harmless and innocent sitting in that frying pan as they want you to believe.

I was frying an egg for breakfast. This is something that I have done many times before and have always thought it to be something of a fairly innocuous event. Because I did not think I needed to be on guard, I was also talking on the phone. The egg saw that it could use this to its advantage and took action.

Out of nowhere I heard a loud pop and as I turned toward the sound to investigate, I was hit in the face! As I turned away from the pan in shock and pain, I was hit again in the arm! I didn't know what was happening at first and then realized that I was being attacked by my egg! I had to take action, but I didn't know what to do first. I had hot egg searing into the skin on my face and arm that had to be removed but I also had to get the egg off the stovetop before it could send off another round of ammunition.

I ignored the pain in my arm and on my face while I took the pan off the stove. I then rubbed the egg off my face and arm. However, I could also feel that I was rubbing skin off. I ran to the bathroom to view the damage and begin medical treatments. I don't know what degree burns I actually had, but I looked like I was branded in a cattle line-up. I had a rectangular brand burned into my face and arm! I treated both with burn salve and hoped neither would leave too bad of a scar. The one on the face didn't, that God. The one on my arm is there as a constant reminder of a morning that will live in infamy in my mind forever.

Luckily I was able to get my revenge on the egg. I broke into the yoke, tore it apart and ran my bagel through it just to make sure it and all the other eggs in the carton would know who was boss around here. Hopefully they learned their lesson and no other egg will every try anything funny again. Just to be sure, I will be on guard tomorrow morning when I fry the next one up.....or maybe I'll just make scrambled eggs instead?